Some months back, I reported that my attempts to understand cricket involved a brochure called “Cricket for Baseball Fans.” I also mentioned that, before I could understand that brochure, I’d need to see a brochure called “Baseball for Musical Theatre Lovers.”
I am pleased to report that my sister-in-law Deborah Sager has called my bluff, and written precisely that brochure. I now have no excuses for my failure to understand either baseball or cricket.
And now, without further ado, I am pleased to present a Yankee Fog world exclusive:

Each position is assigned a number[4]. The pitcher is 1, the catcher is 2, the first baseman is 3, the second baseman is 4, the third baseman is 5, the shortstop is 6, the left fielder is 7, the center fielder is 8, the right fielder is 9. These numbers are used to indicate what just happened on the field. So a 4-6-3 double play means that there was a guy on first base, and a guy in the batting box. The guy in the batting box hit a ball that went near the second baseman, who threw it to the shortstop at second base, who then threw the ball to the first baseman at first base. Two outs are made, one team rejoices, the other one beats up the last batter in their dugout[5]. Does the musical theatre fan really need to know this? Probably not, but it might demystify some of the baseball talk by television announcers.
There is scoring in musical theatre, and it involves putting music on staff paper. It happens once, then not so often again. (Unless you’re cutting and rewriting numbers in New Haven.) Numbers are involved in music of course. 4-6-3 may be a double play, but it is also a chord progression: the sub-dominant, the sub-dominant, the key change to the relative minor. There is one fairly common double-play combination that ends in 1: the 3-6-1 double play (first baseman to shortstop to pitcher.) It goes beautifully with a C major chord.
Point of fact:The “E” in baseball refers to error, not to the key signature with four sharps[6]
A Cast of Characters: 
Producer = General Manager
Director = Manager
Starting Pitcher = Prima Donna
Catcher = Stage Manager
Shortstop, 2^nd Baseman, Center Fielder = Featured Dancers
1^st Baseman, Left Fielder, Right Fielder, 3^rd Baseman = Featured Singers
Bat Boys & Girls = Dressers
The Positions, Or ‘Let’s Torture The Metaphor Until It Screams’: Some positions are glamour positions, and some are not. Some roles are glamour roles, and some are alto roles in opera[7]. The starting pitcher is one of the most glamorous roles in baseball, so it is appropriate that he gets the number 1 position. The starting pitcher is in fact much like the Prima Donna, or the star of the show. His name is on the previews for the show (baseball games are often advertised with the names of the starting pitchers, but no other players are named.) The star of the Broadway show gets first advertising billing as well. A bad pitching performance may ruin the game, no matter what any other player does. A bad leading lady/gentleman may do the same for their musical. A baseball pitcher has to make pitches fast[8]. A musical lead has to sing fast pitches.[9]
The starting pitcher also has a set of relief pitchers, who are like the understudies of the baseball world. Middle relief pitchers (named because they enter and leave during the middle of the game,) get none of the glamour of the starting pitcher, but all of the blame if something goes wrong and they give up runs (or damage the show.) The closing pitcher is rather like the alternate who performs on Wednesday evenings and Saturday matinees. The closer comes in during the ninth inning, and receives somewhat more appreciation than the middle relief, but less than the starring/starting pitcher.
The catcher is next. The catcher is the stage manager. The stage manager is the tough, grizzled veteran authority who calls the show. The catcher is the tough[10], veteran[11] presence who calls the pitches. The Stage Manager gives the light and sound cues, per the orders of the director. The catcher orders fastballs, curveballs, and knuckleballs, often per the orders of the manager (more on him later.)
The Defensive Spectrum: A Bill James (baseball dude) creation, it is as follows: 1^st base – left field – right field – third base – center field – 2^nd base – shortstop – (catcher). The positions on the right side of the spectrum require a lot of fielding skill, positions to the left…not so much. But good fielding skill doesn’t always come with good hitting skill (see how we’re tying in those earlier tools?) Similarly, dancers can have unpleasant voices and singers might trip over their feet. Is there a place for these poor souls onstage and onfield? Of course!
Torture The Metaphor Until It Bleeds: With the prior paragraph in mind, I’ll make this statement: the first baseman, left fielder, right fielder, and third baseman are the singers of the baseball field. They are often large, ungainly men who hit their pitches beautifully. The catcher, shortstop, second baseman, and center fielder are the dancers of the baseball field. They are usually smaller[12], more athletic men who make dazzling defensive plays.
The Backstage Staff: The backstage staffs correspond surprisingly well. The producer deals with the money for the musical theatre show. The general manger deals with the money for the baseball team. The director shapes and casts the show. The manager of the team shapes the game by choosing the lineup (who plays today) and when to send in new pitchers (see the section on middle relief.) The bat-boys (and girls) are baseball’s dressers.
Clothes & Makeup: On stage or on the field, if you wear your street clothes you’ll be dressed incorrectly. And both players and actors need eye-black; athletes smear it on their cheekbones to block out the sun’s rays, and actors smear it on their lashes and call it mascara.
Baseball in Musical Theatre: Baseball gets more musical theatre songs than any other sport. You don’t see hockey or football being immortalized onstage, do you? (If you do, let me know.) Here is a list of some songs, and their shows:   There is No Team, Like the Best Team – You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown   What a Game – Ragtime   The Baseball Game[13] – Falsettoland Not to mention the entire musical show devoted to baseball, Damn Yankees.[14] An enterprising sort could burn an excellent cd for parties.
Musicality in Baseball:  Some of these men are Renaissance men. Bernie Williams, a lovely man who transcends his evil team, plays classical guitar. Bronson Arroyo plays guitar and sings, as does the gifted, handsome, talented mensch Tim Wakefield.[15]
(Next up, pictures.)
A pretty man in his musical theatre makeup:

A pretty man in his baseball makeup:

A big, beautiful man who hits his pitches:

Another big, beautiful man who hits his pitches:

A thought to end on: Getting to the Major leagues from the minors is called joining “The Big Show.” Broadway also has several big shows (see Andrew Lloyd Webber. Also Disney.) Some of them are even good.