There are certain indisputable truths in this world. Freedom is better than slavery. A just peace is better than an unjust war. And the gooey middle part of a brownie is better than the dryer edge part of a brownie.
Clearly, though, there are some savages unable to accept at least one of these truths. As evidence, I submit The Edge Brownie Pan, specially designed to give you a brownie that is nothing but edge pieces.
The madness! What’s next? A peace treaty designed to promote endless war?
What mankind truly needs is a brownie with no edges whatsoever. Fortunately, a wise man has discovered the solution. All it takes is a 26,000-mile-high space elevator, or possibly a tunnel that goes all the way through the earth.
A simpler-seeming solution would be to set up some sort of website, where those of us who to grasp the inherent beauty of brownie centers could trade edge pieces with the unenlightened philistines who desire them, but I reject that notion, founded as it is on the exploitation of raving fools who do not understand their own best interests. The giant space brownie tunnel is mankind’s only hope.
But the edges ARE better. Crunchy is better than gooey. Your acknowledgement of this inarguable reality will speed the approach of world peace.
If the universe were a brownie, it would have no edges. Just read Steven Hawking in A Brief History of Time if you’re not convinced! While you submitted The Edge Brownie Pan, I suggest the following recipe for those of us who think edges are too dry:
1 Very Small(TM) black hole, 1 slightly larger Edgeless Brownie Pan(TM), 1 Gravity-Neutralising(TM) fan oven, 1 brownie recipe (infinite regress not withstanding).
Follow directions for the brownie recipe. Instead of the usual pan described in the recipe split the Pan(TM) into hemispheres by whistling ‘Fitter Happier’ by Radiohead. Quickly (and that means *really* quickly) remove the Very Small(TM) black hole from its protective packaging, enclose it in the two halves of the Pan(TM), and seal the pan by saying “Hawking radiation” three times if you prefer baseball and once if you prefer cricket. Place the Pan(TM) in the Oven(TM), set the oven to gently rotate, open the access lid and pour in the brownie batter. Roll a one-sided die (Hofstadter is a Strange Loop) and forget the result. By the time you’ve managed to forget, the no edge brownie should be ready. [Note: exhaustive trialling in the Test Kitchen(TM) has yet to solve the problem of the southern pole of the edgeless brownie being squished when the Gravity-Neutralising(TM) oven is powered down]. Wash the Pan(TM) and take care not to inadvertently whistle Radiohead songs in its vicinity.