Two years ago, the BBC hit on a clever format for a reality show. First, they did a survey to find out the 100 Greatest Britons as chosen by modern-day residents of the UK. They then presented an hour-long show about each of the the top ten vote-getters, and, at the end, invited the audience to choose the absolute greatest Briton of all time.
Since they couldn’t exactly repeat this idea every year (“And now, the greatest Briton of all time… of 2004!”), the BBC has franchised it out to other countries. In October of this year, South Africa had to hastily cancel its program when architect of Apartheid Hendrik Verwoerd placed 19th. Germany, by contrast, was smart enough to scrub its list of certain Germans Who Shall Remain Nameless before the voting started.
With the format making its way around the world, I’d like to take a moment to look back at the results of the original version. It will be old news for my British readers, but the non-Brits might be interested in knowing which residents of the United Kingdom have the most respect from their countrymen. As you might expect from this sort of popular survey, the results were intriguing, occasionally puzzling, and frequently maddening.
As their greatest citizen of all time, the United Kingom picked Winston Churchill–an entirely reasonable choice. I’d probably put Isaac Newton or Charles Darwin ahead of him, but saving the world from Hitler is a pretty damn impressive accomplishment. Indeed, if Churchill were the only great man the UK had ever produced, the nation would still have ample cause for pride.
And I can’t really object to #2, because I had never heard of him before the BBC made their list–Isambard Kingdom Brunel, a Victorian engineer and architect.
But it’s at #3 that the outrage starts, because #3 is Princess Diana, and Darwin, Shakespeare, and Newton are relegated to fourth, fifth, and sixth place, respectively. What is the logic here? “Oh, sure, Darwin and Newton used the human intellect to peer into the fundamental nature of reality, and Shakespeare created timeless art, but Diana was just so much prettier.”
I know that these things are designed specifically to annoy people like me, but, come ON. Michael Crawford (AKA “That guy who played The Phantom in ‘Phantom Of The Opera'”) is #17, just ahead of Queen Victoria, Paul McCartney, and Alexander Fleming. (“Sure, Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin, but can he sing? OK, Paul McCartney can sing, but can he do it while wearing a white half-mask?”)
On the plus side, American troublemaker Thomas Paine makes the list at number 34, while Henry VIII is a mere 40. (Admittedly, Thomas Paine ranks lower than David Bowie (#29) and David Beckham (#33), but you can’t have everything. Also falling into the “Not quite as great as David Bowie” category are Charles Dickens (#41), Sir Francis Drake (#49) and King Arthur (#51.) )
Geoffrey Chaucer beats out J.K. Rowling, but just barely; he’s at #81, she’s #83. They are both beat out by popstar Robbie Williams (#77). (My American readers may not have heard of Robbie Williams. I would describe him as “the British Enrique Iglesias,” but the British would apparently describe him as “The Briton Whose 23 Top-40 Hits Make Him Greater Than Geoffrey Chaucer, If Not Quite As Great As Henry V”).
Since you could only vote for individuals, each Beatle was listed separately, which led to some interesting results. John Lennon is #8; Paul McCartney is #19; George Harrison is #62; and Ringo Starr isn’t even on the list
In any case, however I might disagree with certain choices, the overall effect is to drive home how incredibly influential this little island has been. You can’t imagine The Greatest Finn providing quite so difficult a choice. And Alexander Graham Bell was chosen the 9th greatest Canadian, but he’s merely the 59th greatest Briton–proving, in an entirely objective fashion, that Britons are exactly 6.55556 times greater than Canadians. (Bell could just as reasonably be included in a list of Greatest Americans–I wonder who holds the record for greatest person from the most countries?)
You can find the complete list of The 100 Greatest Britons here.
On the positive side, Diana began as the front runner, and was steadily towed in as the programmes about the truly great Britons aired.
Churchill, being half American, could feature in the US version with at least some justification, but you’d all have to vote for Stan Laurel and Charlie Chaplin in compensation.
I’m certainly glad that the British public changed its collective mind about Diana’s relative merits. Still, it’s a pretty sad commentary on the British educational system when it takes a series of TV documentaries to alert grown men and women to the fact that Winston Churchill was of more historical importantance than Princess Di. I know that it is somewhat unBritish to toot one’s own horn–but given this country’s millenium-long habit of churning out geniuses and heroes, it would hardly count as jingoism to drum at least a few of their names into children’s heads.
As a side note, if anybody has any theories as to why, exactly, England has such a remarkable track record, I’d be interested in hearing it.
Oh, and by the way, if I may speak on behalf of my country, I think I can safely say we’d be delighted to put Winston Churchill on our list, and Charlie Chaplin to boot. (As much as I like Stan Laurel, I’m not sure I’d make room on the list for him. How about Cary Grant? Can we have him, instead?)
Oh, I think it’s perfectly obvious who Americans would pick to top our list these days.
The greatest American that ever lived: Jesus.
This American is outraged that Robbie Williams is ONLY #77.
I’d just like to state my firm British belief that David Bowie is, in fact, greater than both Francis Drake and King Arthur. Dickens, I’m not sure, but I’d pay good money to see them engage in a physical fight.
I’m still traumatised by Diana being #3, though.
England has produced a surprisingly large number of impressive people, it’s maybe more surprising how many supreme beings have emerged from Scotland (Logie Baird, Alexander Graham Bell, Robert Burns, Andrew Carnegie, Fleming and, of course, Willie Carson). Inventors of the modern world.
But I don’t have any theories as to why.
Perhaps the reason there are so many incredible Brits could be that they play (and often understand) cricket, as you mentioned in an earlier essay? Seems like there could be a connection. Perhaps all the great Englishmen…
never played it?
Not being British and all, I’m sure my opinion doesn’t count but I’d vote for the guy who came up with the idea for Stonehenge. So what if he doesn’t have a recorded name?
I know the reason why there are so many incredible Brits. It’s the same reason why we acquired the Empire.Our Climate,(actually, we don’t have a climate;we have weather…) and boring English food.Both so depressing we had to come up with something more interesting to do in freezing August and on gloomy Sundays than watch it rain.
So, we conquered hot India, and got to eat delicious spicy curry instead.