The Novel Is Killing Our Children

As a counterpoint to the current hysteria over video games, Wired has a great article about the hysterical reactions to various scourges of the past:

“The indecent foreign dance called the Waltz was introduced … at the English Court on Friday last … It is quite sufficient to cast one’s eyes on the voluptuous intertwining of the limbs, and close compressure of the bodies … to see that it is far indeed removed from the modest reserve which has hitherto been considered distinctive of English females. So long as this obscene display was confined to prostitutes and adulteresses, we did not think it deserving of notice; but now that it is … forced on the respectable classes of society by the evil example of their superiors, we feel it a duty to warn every parent against exposing his daughter to so fatal a contagion.”
– The Times of London, 1816

Cross Promotion

A friend reports getting the following e-mail from Amazon:

We’ve noticed that customers who have purchased The Government Manual for New Superheroes by Matthew David Brozik also purchased books by Christopher Behrens. For this reason, you might like to know that Christopher Behrens’s Penis Pokey is now available . You can order your copy by following the link below.

Penis Pokey
Christopher Behrens
Price: $9.95
(June 1, 2006)

Book Description
This book contains no nudity. No profanity. No sexual material of any kind. And yet it just might be the most obscene thing we’ve ever published! Penis Pokey is an illustrated board book with a large die-cut hole in its center. Every spread features a dazzling full-color illustration with one thing missing–a banana, perhaps, or a fire hose, or a sea serpent. Male readers can complete the illustrations using the talents God has given them. Are we serious? Yes! Is this funny? Absolutely! Will this be a terrific hit with college students, bachelorette parties, and exhibitionists of all… Read more

I was kind of hoping they’d cross-market us with The Da Vinci Code, but you take what you can get.

August lull

Apologies for the lull in posting. I’ve got a script due at the end of the month, and it’s keeping me very busy.

How To Make Tortillas

A common complaint of Americans in London (especially those Americans who used to live in the Southwest) is that it is impossible to get good Mexican food here.

As proof, I submit the following “Recipe suggestion,” copied verbatim from the back of the tortilla wraps we bought at Tesco (an English grocery store chain):

Fill 2 wraps with shredded lettuce or mixed leaves and then top with the following. Wrap and serve.

Indian Style Filling
• 125g (4oz) cooked Tesco Chicken Tikka Bites, chopped
• 4 x 15ml sps (4tbsbps) tzatziki
• 2 x 15ml sps (2tbsps) Tesco Mango Chutney

Mm, mm! Just like las tortillas de mi madre!

An important public service announcement

In case you do not live in Metropolis, Gotham City, Atlantis, or any of the other major cities where the Bureau of Superheroics is airing its latest public service announcement, you may see it online here.

(The ad was written by my co-author Matthew Brozik, and directed and edited by his brother Adam. I did the music and a few additional tweaks.)

How much does a writer make?

A common question among aspiring screenwriters is: how much does a screenwriter make?

Every year, the WGAw releases an annual report, listing various statistics about its membership. It provides an interesting way of answering that question.

Acccording to the latest report, only 55% of all WGAw members had any income from film or TV. Among those who did have some income, median income was $106,756. So… if you have a 55% chance of working in a given year, and you get $106,756 that year, your annual expected income is $58,715. And there you have one answer: “A screenwriter earns $58,715 a year.”

Of course, the problem with this calculation is that WGAw statistics only cover writers who are already in the WGAw–and you can’t join the WGAw until you’ve already gotten one or more film or TV writing gigs. If you factor in a couple of years in a low-paying job as an assistant (or a waiter), the average income goes down further.

Furthermore, if you don’t work for long enough, you can lose your active Guild membership–at which point, you vanish from the statistics.

I suspect that if you really factored everything into account, the median lifetime salary of a writer would be about $40-45k per year… which happens to be exactly the same as the median income for all Americans.

In short: screenwriting is a middle-class job. A hugely lucky screenwriter can become a millionaire–just like a hugely lucky office worker can become a stock-option millionaire–but most of us are just happy to be earning a solid, middle-class living doing something we love.

The Best of the Best of the Best movies

By the way, if you don’t want to read through all 138 movies on my consensus “Greatest Films List,” here’s a bit of summary.

Not surprisingly, there was no movie that was on every single list. However, three movies were on eight of nine:

  • 1931 City Lights
  • 1942 Casablanca
  • 1954 On The Waterfront

Nine movies were on exactly 7 of the nine lists:

  • 1934 It Happened One Night
  • 1941 Citizen Kane
  • 1944 Double Indemnity
  • 1946 It’s A Wonderful Life
  • 1952 Singin’ In The Rain
  • 1957 The Bridge On The River Kwai
  • 1964 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying…
  • 1972 The Godfather
  • 1977 Annie Hall

There were 18 movies that appeared on exactly six lists. Among the six-listers were Lawrence of Arabia, Chinatown, Raging Bull, and Vertigo, movies that I personally consider superior to such 7-listers as Double Indemnity and “The Bridge on the River Kwai. Further proof, as if you needed it, that taste is subjective.

The Best Best Movies

About seven years ago, when I decided I was really serious about pursuing film as a career, I realized that I needed to start filling some major gaps in the movies I had seen. So, I took a couple of “Greatest Films Ever Made” lists and collated them to discover which films appeared most often. It soon became clear that my starting lists were biased in favor of English-language films and more modern films, so I added in a few lists weighted in favor of foreign films and older films.

Then I took every film that appeared on three or more of the eight lists I was using. And, because I am a geek, I arranged them in chronological order and steadily worked my way through all of them, starting with 1903’s The Great Train Robbery and ending with 1994’s Pulp Fiction. (The list ends in the early 90’s because I put it together in 1999, and it seems to take at least five years for any consensus to start to emerge about the greatness of a given film.)

I’ve occasionally had requests from equally filmgeeky friends to send them the list. So, as a public service, I post it here: my objective, definitive, consensus list of the Greatest Films Ever Made. (OK, not really. What I REALLY have is a list of 138 movies that at least 3 people or organizations with some expertise feel everybody ought to see. I think that’s still worthwhile )