Some years ago, I came across one of the many variations of the famous Geek Test. Disappointed at my low score, I wrote my own version, on which I could score higher: the Film Geek Test. It’s been sitting on my hard drive since I first posted it to Wordplayer, but recently, a friend sent me a link to the Geek Test, which has inspired me to dig this out, put it into HTML form, and post it. So, without further ado, it is with great pleasure that Yankee Fog presents the Semi-Unofficial Film Geek Test.
Unproduced Screenplays
In response to a question about unproduced screenplays:
Every summer, Written By ((the WGA’s magazine) does an annual issue on unproduced scripts and they put up a bunch of those scripts on the WGA’s website. Try going to the site and doing a search for “unproduced”. You’ll turn up things like a comedy called No Contest which has been circulating for 30 years, attracting interest from (at various times) Barbra Streisand, Michelle Pfeiffer, Diane Keaton, Geena Davis, Sandra Bullock, Drew Barrymore, and Meg Ryan, without ever selling; a script about legendary silent movie character Fantomas coming out of retirement; a bunch of unproduced comedies, and a number of unproduced TV pilots, including one by Charlie Kaufman.
The 100 Best Screenplays
The Writers’ Guild of America is currently surveying its membership to determine the 100 Best Screenplays, as agreed upon by working screenwriters. The tricky thing is, as an individual member, I don’t get to cast 100 votes–I only get 10.
After some reflection, here are the movies I ended up voting for:
Citizen Kane
High Noon
Lawrence of Arabia
Singin’ In The Rain
Memento
The Bank Dick
Groundhog Day
Sunshine
Miracle of Morgan’s Creek
North by Northwest
I left films like Star Wars, Chinatown, The Godfather, and Casablanca off the list because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’ll make the top 100 without my help, and I figured I’d save my votes for films that needed them–because (like Sunshine) they are underappreciate masterpieces, or (like Citizen Kane or Lawrence of Arabia) their direction is thought of so highly that the screenplays don’t get the credit they deserve.
Other scripts that I could just as easily have put in my top 10 (and, in fact, if you had asked me on a different day, I might have):
Duck Soup
12 Angry Men
Magnolia
Mulhollland Drive
The Sixth Sense
Eve’s Bayou
State & Main
On The Waterfront
The Lion in Winter
Manhattan
Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Some Like It Hot
Toy Story 2
Do The Right Thing
Raging Bull
…and probably a dozen others that I am going to think of at 3AM and hate myself for not including.
The other tricky part here is that, in a number of the above cases, I haven’t sat down and read the script; I’m judging it purely by the finished movie. This is a risky business, I know. However, my general assumption is that if a film is bad, you can’t assume the script was bad–but for a film to be great, all the elements, from script to direction to cast to editing, must be great as well.
I did restrict myself to English-language films, since I don’t think it would be fair to judge foreign scripts based on their subtitles.
Innovación y tradición
Ferran Adriá is quite possibly the most influential and innovative chef in the world. His culinary creations are like something out of a science fiction novel, and if you wish to sample them, you must compete with compete with 300 thousand other culinary devotees as you attempt to secure a reservation, and then–should you obtain one–you will need to pay about 150 Euroes ($172) per person, not counting drinks.
Or you could just go to the grocery store and by Adria’s new Lay’s potato chips for 1.15 euros ($1.37). Your choice.
Yes, that’s right–the greatest chef on the planet is now making Lay’s potato chips.
No, that’s not Señor Adria on the front of the bag. But he does appear on the back:
(You can click on either image if you want to see a larger version.)
Lauren and I spotted these chips in a small convenience store when we were in Spain, and, realizing this might be our only chance to taste Adriá’s cuisine, bought them at once. Having eaten the entire bag, we can now report that they were noticably better than your average potato chips; the crispiness was just a little grainier than usual, if that makes sense, and the flavor more pleasant. They were not earth-shattering revalatory chips by any means, but they were certainly a notch above average.
Now I just have to go find myself one of those new Ferran Adriá twinkies…
We’re fine
Thank you to the family, friends, and concerned readers who have e-mailed to make sure Lauren and I are fine. Thankfully, we are. We hope the same is true for you and your loved ones.
Because You Demanded It
A Verse Written In Response To A Reader’s Request That I Compose A Limerick In Honor of Worcestershire
by Jacob Sager Weinstein
Though he’s Worcestershire’s MP, Mike Foucester
only purchases chickens in Gloucester.
He says the last rorcester
he purchased in Worcester-
shire turned out to be an impoucester.
NOTE: Although Worcestershire does in fact have an MP named “Mike Foster,” any resemblance between this verse and his actual chicken-buying habits is purely coincidental.
The New Internationale
When Lauren got tickets to go see Live8 on one of the giant screens set up around Hyde Park, I admit it: I was skeptical. I couldn’t quite understand why we had to brave massive crowds and potentially miserable weather to watch a concert on a TV screen when we could stay home and do the same. But good husband that I am, I went along. I’m glad I did.
The huge TV, the powerful sound system, and the spirit of the crowd all delivered an experience I couldn’t have gotten at home. More importantly, though, the highlight of the day was a moment that you had to be there to experience:
Occasionally, in the downtime between performers in London, the giant screen would cut to a concert in another city. At one point, it cut to the concert in Berlin, where Brian Wilson was performing and the German audience was singing along. The crowd around me joined in, and for just a moment, Hyde Park was filled with thousands of Brits, joined together with thousands of Germans, all singing: “I wish they all could be California girls…”
On The Difficulty of Establishing A Career as A Poet After Becoming Unstuck In Time
A time-travelling blogger named J.
would post poems, but stop them midway.
Then he’d cause more confusion
and post the conclusion
A Posting That Will Seem Inexplicable At The Moment But Will Make Sense Within 24 Hours
in an entry the previous day.
A Poem
A Short Poem, Inspired By The Local Pronounciation of A Certain Location in London
by Jacob Sager Weinstein
One day, as the Queen walked through Leicester
Square, she ran into a jeicester
who fondled her cheicest.
She exclaimed, “I’ll be bleicest!”
then hanged the man as a moleicester.