Me: What’s in the “Vegetable Extravaganza?”

The Waiter: Vegetables. And, um, “extravaganza.” That’s a kind of Italian cheese.

Thanks to the arrival of discount airline Zoom Airlines, there’s a fare war going on for flights to the US. Just in case low fares aren’t enough of an incentive to travel, the UK version of the travel website Travelocity has just sent out the following e-mail advertisement:

On the 4th of July the USA celebrates everything that’s great about their homeland. When the people who live there love their country so much, it’s probably worth heading over to check it out for yourself.

A few hours ago, I watched Tony Blair announce that he’ll be ending his decade as Prime Minister on June 27. (Or “27 June,” as we like to call it here.)

Pundits seem to be zeroing in on the part of his speech dealing with the invasion of Iraq, but for me, the most striking moment was when he said six simple words: “This is the greatest nation on earth.”

In an American political speech, such a declaration is pretty much mandatory. Somewhere in the US, there may be an elected official who has never declared that America is the greatest country on the planet, but I doubt it.

For many years, Man has maintained mastery over Dog for a simple reason: we know how to buy dogfood, and they do not.

Now, I fear, this may change. I bring you shocking photographic proof that dogs have mastered the intricacies of capitalism:

As the Metro reports, service dogs are now being trained to use ATM machines. Sure, it seems cute and helpful now, but when you wake up one morning to find your bank account empty and a diamond-studded humancollar around your neck, you’ll wish you had heeded my warning.

I was excited to see this banner headline the other day:

Alas, closer inspection revealed the following:

Turns out it was just a front-page ad for a British TV show.

In an effort to encourage participation in democracy, the British government is having a trial of an electronic petition system. Many of the most popular ones are for frivolous causes like changing the tax structure or repealing certain laws.

Fortunately, there are some Britons with their priorities straight. Among the fifty most-popular petitions is this one, signed by 3060 patriots:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to stand on his head and juggle ice-cream.

Apparently, the English are looking for a new royal familY:

There has long been debate regarding the validity of King Harold’s claim to the throne, so to mark the opening of the new £2.3m visitor centre at Battle Abbey and Battlefield in February, English Heritage are researching the history that might have happened.

We aim to inspire people to take a fresh look at history and we want to explore any of these possible alternatives:

While you Americans deal with petty economic issues like high oil prices, we here in Britain have to worry about something real:

Fish-and-chip prices are about to skyrocket. They are expected to even surpassing the £5 mark at takeaway chip shops in south-east England.

Who is to blame, and what will the consequences be? It depends on who you believe. The right-wing populist Evening Standard blames those pesky environmentalists who want a fishing ban on the endangered North Sea Cod.The left-wing Guardian blames weather damage to potato crops (and perhaps, by extension, global warming.) The Telegraph–which likes to brag of its wealthy, health-conscious readership– says the mania for Omega 3 fatty acids has driven up the price of fish. Scotland’s Herald frets that competition from McDonald’s is forcing Glasgow chippies to keep their prices low in the face of rising costs, potentially driving them out of business.

“In the past, cricket’s not been seen as a sport with a native drug problem.”

From the BBC: “A breakdown patrol man who came to the rescue of a woman motorist has managed to get her car started using her dog.”

As Juliette Piesley of Surrey was changing the battery in her electronic key fob, the immobiliser chip fell out, and her dog ate it. Now she can’t start her car unless the dog is sitting inside it… at least, until the chip comes out the other end.